My 300th Post
Tuesday, May 02, 2006 @10:47 PM
Will not be a happy one. I am deeply upset over certain issues. Certain issues that I think I know what am I thinking, you may not know. But to some of you, maybe this is familiar.
Typically, as many might know, I am easily too kind in giving myself to others, I give too much way, and somehow, as I am always do that, I am commonly misunderstood, the one that haven't misunderstood me ever that are my friends are only a good handful, not even 5, mind you, out of all the perhaps 20 I know? Seriously. Do you want me to be a jerk? Oh wait, maybe I am being one right now. Sorry about that.
Now, after a few days, wait, not days, maybe months, of observation, please, I am not a food freak, doesn't mean I am fat, means that I am a guy who will die without eating, alright? I am not invisible and when I want you to have something, I really do, now, please stop rejecting stuff that I offer you, you are not accepting what I am giving, if I come from somewhere where accepting gifts is a must, you will sure be beaten up by me, I don't use violence, but don't make me use it, I am at the limit of tolerance, but anyway, you might not be crappy enough to start viewing this blog. You might hate me by now. Whatever.
What I hate is people totally giving me an impression that I do not exist in their lives, only to appear when you would like to ask me to do something for you. Some people in class might agree on that, but I don't know why I am always the victim here. Maybe you might think that you are a victim on my post now. Perhaps. If you're unhappy about me just say it in front of my face and don't hide it.
And thanks for all of your reminders on the things I might always listen to, you focus on the bad points, and not the good ones, not that I don't accept bad ones, I rather have a good mix of good and bad comments, I don't need negativity all the time, sooner or later I'll get sick of that and end up going the other way. Somehow.
And...don't say you have nothing to say to me, once again, misunderstanding chips in, and if you don't want to say it, you'd never know and you'll always perceive things the way it is. I am not an immature kid that hasn't reach puberty, nor a person not 18. Don't you think I should deserved to be thought as a 18 year old instead of a (idk how old should I be) kid in your mind? And not as the person you might think as the one that sits in front of his PC/Xbox all day and doesn't go out? You might be a year or two older, that doesn't mean you should think of me like that. Seriously.
I hope this can be reflective to myself and maybe you, maybe.
I need more dominance, although you may call me a Supportive Reflector.
Perhaps you don't understand me well enough, the only friend that understands me the best in my opinion, would be Jon. Not much else.
Think about it, don't make me despise all of you, and I don't want to despise all of you, neither do I want to be despised by all of you. I am tired of this cold shoulders always coming towards me. Don't make me feel invisible until I get on a rage like the Invisible guy you see in Hollow Man.
Thank you Paul, you've done an excellent job in throwing out what is in your mind, you sucker. Some people might think that I think too much. And yes I do, if I said anything wrong here, do tell me, to my understanding...
"Paul, about your post...." and not in awkward silence or hostile silence.
I will still be the person I am in terms of my personality, I let the angels out too much, and locked the devils in their cells for too long now, in fact, ever since I was born.
Reflect. Reflect. Reflect.
Ciao~
P.S. At least not much people reads my blog.I'm not saying this cos I am afraid of saying this to you guys nor do I want to publicly hurt you. So be grateful, and don't say I'm too scared to face you too, judging from what you have read, did you think I wanted to say it in front of you. Your personalities goes way beyond what I do.
